Prologue

Dammit, it happened again. I was getting so very hopeful that he could have anything close to immortality, and yet, whoever decides when we die, had to do it to me. honestly don't think whoever this person is really cares about my welfare, nor anyone else's on this stupid planet. If that were a lie , we would all be more overpopulated then we already are, and Josh's remains wouldn't be lying in a box near the train tracks that may or may not lead him to a world after this one. He thought it would give him acess to such a world, although I was screaming at him, in tears, that he had no proof that he could go to any kind of afterlife. That being said, I had no idea of what his whereabouts might have been, other than the box I buried him in. So yes, I do mean 'Dammit'.

As I'd mentioned, it happened before. I had expected myself to burst into tears, and learn some valuable lesson on losing someone close to you. My mother insisted that I did by bawling so hard she had cried all of her mascara off. Her words still replayed themselves over and over in my head. "Lillian, your granpoppy's gone. Are you sad, Lill? Honey, come cry with me please." I had an attempt at acting, and I made myself cry with her. I remember that it was the death of my grandfather. But I hadn't genuinely cried until the second time I witnessed death.

He was sitting on the tracks, his head back in laughter and his gown soiling by the second. I had just called him Joshiffany- a mix between his ex-girlfriends name and his own- it seemed funny at the time. We were there after graduation, because all the others in our class we thought were idiots. He was sure that no train had crossed in year, but he was wrong.

He crossed the tracks onto the grass. The red, faded cars sped past me. I told myself he was on the other side, unharmed. The last traincar went by. He wasn't there. I cursed at the train, throwing my shoes at it, no tears streaming down my face, but I was sobbing inside. All I had left of him was his hat and diploma. I was too selfish to bury his picture with those items.

I ran into his parents on the walk home from the party, and they asked me what happened to Josh. I lied and told them that he had gone home to his apartment. They believed me, and I went home myself.So at last, I lay here, on the bed, afterward, thank god (or whoever makes us die), crying.